8 signs that the first appointment does not invite a second

In an ideal world, the first quotes would be as in Hollywood romantic films.You would know instantly if you have met your ideal partner or, at least, the ideal person to have a good time without commitment.

But let's be honest, one thing is the movies and another thing is real life.Many times, at the end of a first date, you think that it has been fine.Neither great nor horrible.Simply well.For these cases in which you don't know very well what to expect, how can you decide whether you have a second appointment or not?


"There must be at least one spark among you.If you feel indifferent, pay attention to your instinct, "recommends Caroline Lovett, sexual and couples psychotherapist.“Some people say that the spark appears later, but I think that the first impressions are very important.Pay attention to your interior ".

If you still don't know what to do, pay attention to the following indications that will help you filter first appointments.

Do not look for the same


Are you looking for a serious relationship or a roll without obligation?The best way to avoid misunderstandings and disappointments is to make clear your intentions from the beginning and ask your appointment to do it too.

"Pay attention to your anecdotes and experiences in case you have ghosting to someone before," says Lovett."That would be a clear sign that he doesn't want something serious and that he is not talking to you sincerely.".


Do not apologize for being late

Importuality, even if it is annoying, does not have to be a reason to rule out a person on the first date, says Lovett.“Life is like that and sometimes we arrive late to the sites unintentionally.You can see the car, there may be an unexpected jam on the road, you may have received a last minute commission at work, etc..".


What does matter is that person's reaction when arriving late.If you have contacted you to let you know that you will be late, you have apologized and promised to compensate for you on the second appointment, Lovett considers that the benefit of the doubt must be granted.If it is indifferent and has no intention of apologizing, it seems clear that the appointment was not very high in its list of priorities.

Do not connect

8 señales de que la primera cita no invita a una segunda

A few uncomfortable silences are normal in a first date for the nerves.However, if you see that you have no common interest to talk about, it probably is not worthwhile.

“No tienes que proponerte cambiar a la otra persona, tienes que sentir que hay cierta conexión entre ambos", asegura.

Flirting is also a good sign on the first date, so it begins to suspect if neither feels wanting to do it.

One of the two fails to keep attention in the other person

If your appointment shows more interest in mobile than in you, bad matter, says Lovett."It would also extend that lack of attention to the surroundings.If you are more interested in what is happening to the other side of the street or at the table of the bottom of the cafeteria, it would not be important. En una primera cita, el centro de atención debería ser siempre la otra persona".

Similarly, if that lack of attention is happening to you and you are thinking about the musicians, it is a sign that you are not interested in a future with that person.

Talk about your ex.Much.Not stop.

Everyone mentions from time to time to their ex -partner when conversation allows or requires it.That, by itself, is not a bad thing, Lovett reassures.However, if your appointment does not stop mentioning your ex, you may not yet overcome the breakdown.In this case, the severity of the matter depends on the intentions you have.

“If you only look for fun, nothing happens, but if you look for something serious, your appointment needs some time to recover. No estás ahí para curar las heridas amorosas de nadie", advierte Lovett.

It has bad manners with other people

People normally show their best face on the first date.However, if it is all facade, it is possible that he collapses when talking to other people.Pay attention to the manners he shows with the waiters or with the people around, points LOVETT.

“Si percibes que es una persona maleducada con los demás, llegará un momento en el que lo será también contigo si empezáis una relación seria", avisa.

There are indications that it is a jealous couple

“Si en la primera cita ya muestra sus celos cuando hablas de tus experiencias pasadas o de las personas con las que sueles quedar, no lo pasaría por alto, porque puede ser el pórtico a una relación tóxica con una persona controladora", advierte Lovett.

Your appointment should not make you feel bad about staying with your consolidated friends;That is, those who were your friends before starting the relationship, since they continue to be part of your life.That includes the ex -partners, if you keep the friendship.

You have different values

Having different ways of thinking is a good thing, since it leaves room for each one to continue to develop as an individual within the relationship.However, these ways of thinking should be based on the same moral values so that the relationship works.

Politics is not always the hardest obstacle.In fact, Lovett receives more and more customers with problems in their relationships because a couple member is vegan and another, no.When the time comes, think about how important the eating habits of your potential couple are for you, because you cannot force anyone to change.

"It's about discovering what is important to you. Si eres vegano, ¿estás dispuesto a salir con personas que coman carne? Solamente tú puedes responder a esa pregunta", explica. “Si te resulta desagradable compartir mesa con una persona que está comiéndose un chuletón poco hecho, quizás también te desagrade darle un beso después".

This article was originally published in the ‘Huffpost’ United Kingdom and has been translated from English by Daniel Templeman Sauco.

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Rachel Moss

Reporter at HuffPost UK