For decades, different professionals have focused their studies on understanding love and its effect on people. Biological modifications, psychological reactions, reasons that arouse attraction to another, among other characteristics, were the focus of hundreds of field studies and investigations.
But what do we fall in love with when we fall in love? why do some people feel vulnerable at that stage? Is infatuation for life?
Alexandra Amorós, a psychologist specialized in sexology, affirms that when a person falls in love, neurotransmitters appear biologically that simulate a state of intoxication. The brain releases a large amount of endorphins, which produces the feeling of full happiness. "It activates the reward-punishment circuit in the brain, awakening the need to be with the other person." This would undoubtedly justify that some people, when they are in the stage of falling in love, are carried away by impulses or feel vulnerable.
During the stage of falling in love, adrenaline is expected, the "butterflies in the stomach", perfection. Some people end up falling in love with the idealization they make of the other person, or with the idea of the perfect couple, of “living together forever”.
“There are people who tend to repeat patterns of family history. If we were taught that love is affectionate, a loving person will be sought. There are also cases where the person is intended to be completely opposite to how our parents are, for example. The profile that will be sought for a partner will depend a lot on upbringing, on what they taught us that love is, ”says Amorós.
Many times this is linked to romantic love (or Disney love), where the objective is to establish a relationship with emotional dependence and vulnerability of one of the parties (generally the woman).
end of infatuation
The main pillar of falling in love is the idealization of the other person and the couple.
Without a doubt, the end of this stage is when you begin to get to know the other person in all areas of life. The defects cannot be ignored, the imperfections are more visible, often intolerable, and the idea that is projected on the other begins to crumble.
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This stage is crucial, since the overcoming of the couple or the end of it will depend on it. "When you begin to see the flaws and the balance with the virtues closes on all sides, you can talk about mature love," says Alexandra.
The challenge is to begin to accept how the other person is if we want them in our lives, as long as it is not harmful.
Can you love without falling in love?
Alexandra says it's possible, but it doesn't happen often. “It has to do with the history of each person and how the relationship is built. It happens a lot in those who start a friendship and end up being couples”.
This is because you get a realistic view of the other person. She is known both in fullness and in misery, leading to the change of the bond of friendship to a couple relationship, where the balance is equitable for both parties.
Without a doubt, falling in love is a phase in people's lives that produces pleasure, satisfaction and endless emotions that are often difficult to explain in words. It is important to understand why what happens to us happens to us, and learn to successfully overcome the adversities of falling in love so as not to end up with a broken heart.
Overcoming the end of falling in love is not easy, and it depends much more on oneself than on the other, on the deconstruction of the idea of romantic love, on understanding that the other is a partner and not a property, that not everything is going to be pink forever and self love.
Collaboration: Alexandra Amorós. Psychologist specializing in sexology. MN 1137 Instagram: @sexologa.amoros
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