Susana Perez Soler
Pablo is 53 years old and Mariluz, 56. He is a plastic artist. She, deputy director of one of the most prestigious museums in our country. Between the two they have four children and both had a long relationship before they met: 20 years of happy marriage in his case; 15 in hers. Now they are a couple. They met through eDarling, an online dating app, a few days before the lockdown, so the face-to-face meeting, the first coffee, had to wait, but it was worth it.
“We have been almost two years, one of serious commitment and it looks like it will go a long way. It is a mature and calm love. The relationship is different from what existed a few years ago, but the way of bonding has changed. We don't live together, but what we feel is love”, says Pablo.
Today you are more likely to meet your next partner online than in a coffee shop. And it is that it is increasingly difficult to talk to someone you do not know, no matter how much you exchange furtive glances in a bar or a party. Digital communication has raised some barriers when it comes to relating face to face. More and more people say they don't have the courage to start a conversation with someone they don't know, no matter how much they are interested.
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Javier and Amy are 37 years old. She is Irish and he is from Barcelona. She is a primary school teacher and he is dedicated to digital communication. They have been together for seven and a half years and are expecting their first child. They met through Tinder when Javier was in the middle of a gap year traveling the world.
“When we made a match I told him that he would only be in Barcelona for four days because at that time he was living in Thailand. It had been a year since I broke up with my ex and I just wanted to meet people. She was about to break up the match, she has told me many times, but she didn't do it”, explains Javier.read also
Despite the stigma attached to dating apps, studies show that relationships forged through bits and screens are more likely to last and be happier.
This follows from a study published in December 2020 by the sociologist Gina Potarca of the University of Geneva, which analyzes the data of thousands of Swiss couples and concludes that dating applications play an important role in the selection of members of the couple and common goals. Against all odds, stable couples who meet through these applications are more rational.read also
She has had a partner for four years and is about to get married. Of course, she met her guy on Tinder. Now, knowledge precedes attraction, "chemistry." First, she gives herself the knowledge through an exchange of messages. Then comes the face-to-face meeting and then, yes, if there is chemistry, you move on. Going out with someone who has the same interests as you is not a guarantee of success, but it is a first filter of why you are going to meet someone like you.
“Then it is time to close the other chats that you had open with other people, because, make no mistake, everyone does the same thing: parallel conversations are held to see what can work and move on with who seems to work. Martha continues.
The wide range of possibilities is what many critics say leads to casual sex marketing that doesn't facilitate real connection between people. And it is that in these applications, there are also many users who prefer sporadic encounters without having to commit to a specific person. These technological tools cause the illusion that we have endless possibilities, which does not help to find the ideal person, but rather encourages the swipe, looking for someone better in the next profile.read also
“But the important thing is that you seek. The algorithms behind these apps are often badmouthed, but the algorithm is a reflection of yourself, of what you're looking for,” she adds. More than to find love, the algorithms of these applications are designed so that users leave their data and spend time in the application, as journalist Judith Duportail explains in the book The Love Algorithm, so that opening a profile and closing it after a short time, feeling overwhelmed by an excess of supply or frustrated by not having demand is a common behavior among users.
“I spent three or four years on these types of applications and tried several: Tinder, Adopt an uncle, Happen, etc. You go in and out because the algorithm offers you the best profiles when you have just created your account and that can be addictive”, explains Marta. There are also periods when you need to rest, especially after accumulating several dates that have not worked out, perhaps because that affinity through the screen has not turned into "chemistry" in the face to face or because, despite the fact that apparently it works, the person with whom a relationship is established disappears.read also
Although they are not new behaviors nor are they confined exclusively to the digital environment, the new ways of hyper-relating make them more frequent and the technology companies that promote these relationships exploit them economically.read also
“I had a lot of disastrous dates before I got to know my boyfriend,” explains Olga. “There are many men who are only looking for one night stands and many others who are desperate to find a partner and start a family, but the key is to know the person before meeting them and make it clear what you want. For me a photo is not sexy, a person is sexy, and Tinder is one more way to reach her, ”she adds.read also
“From the first date everything was completely different. The first day we met, he was so nervous that he collided with the car behind him when he parked”, explains Marta. “We met at night for a drink and when he finished the date, he wrote to tell me that he had been very comfortable. Unlike previous experiences, everything was very normal. Always with fluid communication and no ups and downs”, she concludes. When someone normal appears: someone who communicates what he wants, who is willing to make sacrifices and who does not come and go, it is an indication that love may be knocking at your door.Show commentsUp to the Minute